Master the Art of Communication

28 March, 2010 at 10:20 | Posted in Body & Mind | Leave a comment
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Communication is important. How we communicate is important.

Once I went to a course in peace communication and it was very rewarding. It was held by PeaceQuest, that primarily targets young people and teaches a communication model created from the theories by Johan Galtung, a Norwegian mathematician and sociologist and a principal founder of the discipline of peace and conflict studies. The communication model focused on a conflict resolution that also UN has been using, according to the course leader.

What I mostly remember and learned from the course was to just be quiet and listen to the other person and confirm what the other person wanted to share with me. To understand and take in.

When you yourself is upset you should avoid saying accusatory things like: “You just do like this all the time”, but instead say: “When you do like this, it makes me feel like (this)”. In other words, to listen and speak from compassion, understanding and respect.

I can really recommend a course like this. This teaches us to cultivate our mind, feelings and speech when we communicate with others.

In Sweden we also have “Giraffspråket” or Nonviolent Communication (NVC)

I’ve only heard good things about it in Sweden. What they say on their webpage resembles about the course I did. Compassionate communication.

Quote: “Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is sometimes referred to as compassionate communication. Its purpose is to:

  1. create human connections that empower compassionate giving and receiving
  2. create governmental and corporate structures that support compassionate giving and receiving.

NVC involves both communication skills that foster compassionate relating and consciousness of the interdependence of our well being and using power with others to work together to meet the needs of all concerned.

This approach to communication emphasizes compassion as the motivation for action rather than fear, guilt, shame, blame, coercion, threat or justification for punishment. In other words, it is about getting what you want for reasons you will not regret later. NVC is NOT about getting people to do what we want. It is about creating a quality of connection that gets everyone’s needs met through compassionate giving.”

Well, back to Galtung and his idees.

From Wikipedia:

“While Galtung’s academic research is clearly intended to promote peace, he has shifted toward more concrete and constructive peace mediation as he has grown older. In 1993, he co-founded “Transcend – A Peace, Development and Environment Network,”an organization for conflict transformation by peaceful means. There are four traditional but unsatisfactory ways in which conflicts between two parties are handled:

  1. A wins, B loses;
  2. B wins, A loses;
  3. the solution is postponed because neither A nor B feels ready to end the conflict;
  4. a confused compromise is reached, which neither A nor B are happy with.

Galtung tries to break with these four unsatisfactory ways of handling a conflict by finding a “fifth way,” where both A and B feel that they win. The method also insists that basic human needs – such as survival, physical well-being, liberty, and identity – be respected.

Here comes some more advice, from the web 🙂

Master the Art of Conversation

If you need to improve your conversational skills, here are
a few tips that can help you enhance your conversational
skills and boost your image.

1. Always say what you think, not what you think others
want you to say. Especially in a professional setting,
learning to express your views and ideas in a positive,
non-threatening manner will invite reactions and responses.

Effective leaders always say what they are thinking and
express their ideas freely. The art of conversation is based
on being yourself.

2. Listen carefully to what others are saying. People often
interpret things said by others in a way that clouds their
ability to hear what people are intending to say.

By giving your full attention to the speaker, you can hear
what they intend for you to hear instead of what you want
to hear. Remember, the art of conversation includes the
ability to listen to others as well as the ability to speak
effectively.

3. Always assume that a speaker is saying exactly what they
mean to say. Even if it seems unclear, try to find meaning
and coherence to the words they are saying and give them
the respect of hearing what they want you to hear.

In any conversation, the ability to give respect is just as
important as receiving it. The art of conversation is a
give and take between parties, not one speaker and one
listener.

4. The art of conversation can be broken down into three parts.

The first part is small talk. Small talk is dictated by
social rules and includes polite greetings, inquiries about
the well-being of others, etc.

Stage two is the end of the small talk and moving on to the
purpose of the conversation such as business, the sharing
of opinions and personal views.

Without the ability to express yourself efficiently, the
conversation can easily slip back into small talk,
lessening the chances of accomplishing the initial goal of
the conversation.

The third part of a conversation is where the various ideas
and views expressed can be merged into a satisfying end for
all parties involved in the conversation.

The art of conversation is a learned skill that is common
among successful, energetic people. If you are unable to
effectively express yourself in any situation, you will
likely find that you do not attract the attention and
command the respect that is bestowed upon some others.

via Master the art of conversation.

Concludes with a funny little movie. Like this one we can also communicate 🙂

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